Simplest Tip for Making Friends as an Adult

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard in my professional (and personal life): “It’s so hard making friends as an adult”.

Of course it is. The framework and structure we had as kids and teenagers is no longer in place. This is especially true if you go to school, or work, remotely. Throw cell phones into the mix (that will be a different post) and you have a great recipe for our current loneliness issue.

That’s not to say making connections (and dare I say, friends?!?) as an adult is impossible. You’re just going to need to build the framework you used to have when you were in school.

So here it goes-my simplest tip for making friends as an adult.

Same place, same time, same day.

As in - be in the same place, at the same time, on the same day of the week. Why? Let’s think about it. Let’s remember our school days. We saw and sat next to the same people, in the same class, multiple days a week, most weeks of the year.

We had most of the key ingredients to feeling connected:

-physical proximity (same classroom, maybe sitting next to or near one another)

-shared experience (same teacher, same assignments, etc)

-consistency (you were seeing these people with some type of regularity)

As adults, we don’t always have this (speaking directly again to my remote workers! Listen up!)

But we can try to mimic it in ways that work with our busy adult lives. Same place, same time, same day…you will start to see the same people. This is not a magic pill that works overnight. This is a concept that brings the ingredients together for you over time.

If you go to the gym, great! Try to go at the same time on the same day - you will start to see the same people.

If you can bring your laptop outside of the home to work, great! Pick a coffee shop you love, and try to go each week at the same time, on the same day of the week. You will start to see the same people.

You will begin to have shared experiences that make conversation easier.

“Yeah, that machine is taken every time I’m here”

“The baristas here are sooo sweet”

“I always come on Tuesday for the BOGO special”

“I love coming here on a Friday but it does get crowded”

Physical proximity also implies a shared experience: we might both be experiencing the same weather, the same level of crowdedness, the same music, etc. Proximity and shared experience are your “in” to striking up conversation.

Consistency is important because familiarity and frequency help build rapport. If you see someone with a bit of consistency, you will more quickly learn their humor, their quirks, their general attitude.

Same place, same time, same day.

Dog park. Coffee shop. Library work stations. Bar. Gym. Dance lessons. Silent book club. Pottery studio. Even if your job gives you the option to work from home OR at the office, use this concept if you choose to go into the office one day a week - make it the same day if you can.

Get out there and try it. Remember to be patient. Remember that not every connection needs to turn into a best friend. And remember:

Same place, same time, same day.

Go make some adult friends!